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Deviant for 7 Years
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Literature
Addict
The shadows engulf her as she sits in the small patch of artificial light. I can see her, the needle full of poison waiting, patiently waiting.
"It's all right" she whispers softly to me. "I'm still the same." Yet her voice rings with hollow promises, honey laced lies, the rage she emits when she is denied.
"I'm not an addict" she screams in my face and I recoil to a corner, agreeing to her demands out of fear, out of unconditional love; a child of twenty three acquiescing to the chaos that will fill her veins and I cry out,
"Mommy, just stop!"
And she replies with veins full and eyes revealing truth,
"I'm not an addict."
She hugs me tight, laughs at my concern, and asks for a little more money, just a little more.
"I just want a little more, honey, just a little more." And for a second I consider refusing, the thought running through my mind like the drug through her veins and I surrender, raise my white flag and hand over the money I don't have to give. She kisses my cheek, calls me
:iconAmbivalentHeart:AmbivalentHeart
:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 1 0
Literature
Poem 2 The Zoo
Poem 2 "The Zoo"
Their cries of innocence ring out,
Mingling with the wild roars and screeches
That come from within the promising walls.
As they approach their small eyes widen
With apprehension and pure wonder.
They marvel and question what waits for them
Beyond the wooden entrance that holds their hopes,
Hopes of never-ending excitement m
A promise of an adventure that
Ends only when the sun melts away
And the crickets come out to sing.
The gravel pathways lead to their fantasies
Of roaring with lions, shouting with monkeys.
They stare at the size of the towering giraffes
And try to mimic the symphony of bird calls.
With their laughter pouring out in waves
They play and rejoice at the beauty they see.
And as the sun sinks beneath the blooming trees
Each parents scoops up a weary child
To return to the reality that sees
These adventures as naïve children.
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:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0
Literature
Poem 1 In dreams
Poem 1: In dreams
I wade through the pools of shed tears
Tiptoe around the fragments from broken dreams
I inhale the air heavy with easy lies
And swallow the morsel that will help me forget.
I dress in the clothing that will hide me
From the cruel judgments that shoot like daggers.
And I pull the veil down over the eyes
That will reveal what hidden deep.
I'll walk past the white faced puppets
That dance to a morbid symphony
I'll stroll past the covered windows
That muffle the screams of the inner child
I'll run past the darkened street corners
That hide the waiting shadow men
And I'll cower in the secret garden
That grows only what has died.
In dreams I see the whole broken scene,
My tattered subconscious laid out for all.
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:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0
Grey Bird by AmbivalentHeart Grey Bird :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0 Golden Waters 1 by AmbivalentHeart Golden Waters 1 :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0 American Pie by AmbivalentHeart American Pie :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0 Wonderland by AmbivalentHeart Wonderland :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0 Bebedora by AmbivalentHeart Bebedora :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 2 Foot Study 2 by AmbivalentHeart Foot Study 2 :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 1 3 foot study 1 by AmbivalentHeart foot study 1 :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0 Hand study by AmbivalentHeart Hand study :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 1 0 Let it be by AmbivalentHeart Let it be :iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0
Literature
Departed angel
An angel returned to heaven today
Flying beyond the pain and suffering
That plagued her in the end.
She left with blessings raining out
To fall upon our weary heads.
Stand up and be strong she says
I loved you all in life
And death won't change a thing.
Remember me as a kind woman
Giving everything I had.
Remember me as a laughing girl
Giving strength when I had none left.
Do not weep for me loves,
I've gone beyond this world,
In the land that waits beyond
I will find peace and
The love that went before.
:iconAmbivalentHeart:AmbivalentHeart
:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 1 0
Literature
Pure Child
Pure Child
I try to trace the fragile bones that lie beneath her ivory flesh.
I search for her soul in the eyes trapped at sea.
I listen for the clear laughter between every word.
And I watch for rose petal smiles that
Grant peace I no longer deserve.
I feel the warmth and love in the embrace she gives freely.
I hold onto the innocence I pull from her every kiss.
I drown in her tears and blossom in her sunshine.
I depend on the love that
Radiates from her infant heart.
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:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0
Literature
The Child's Chaos
He screams and we cower in the dark corners that can offer no comfort. He screams and we scurry around like insignificant creature, hiding from what would devour us. He shouts, curses, and threats fall around us like prison bars that keep us bound in his insanity. We can only hope this storm will pass over without the damage it promises to inflict.
We all retreat; ducking behind poorly built walls that will provide no shelter. We cower from the monster like child whose rages would frighten the most courageous of knights. He's turning into the other, the one we fought to escape.
Is this our judgment cast down on us by an entity we can no longer afford to believe in? Is this punishment for past sins, damnations we can't remember or understand? Is there any reason to this chaos, this madness which radiates from the boy engulfs us all?
Is there any hope for forgiveness?
Is there any hope for sanity?
:iconAmbivalentHeart:AmbivalentHeart
:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 0
Literature
Failure
She was a failure.
She knew it as she watched the small child who depended on her. She saw it on the face of every person who looked at her, pity clearly displayed in their eyes. It pained her to see their thoughts; to know that they knew what she was.  She wanted to tell them she didn't need their pity but she knew that wasn't true. The truth was their pity; their sympathy let her know everything she thought she knew was true.
She was a failure at the only job that would every matter. She could hear it in the echoing cries that came from down the hall. She can see it the tear filled eyes that beg for something she can't quite understand. She can fell it in every embrace granted without reason, an embrace that gives love and peace without asking anything in return.
It's that unconditional love that a failure like her doesn't deserve.
Yet she hugs the child with bright blue eyes, the child who calls her Mother with an affection she finds hard to reciprocate. She dries the tear
:iconAmbivalentHeart:AmbivalentHeart
:iconambivalentheart:AmbivalentHeart 0 1

Critiques

Activity


Well at least I'm trying to. It's a new semester now and it came with a new job and a new house. Brendan is gone, moved out to live with his dad shortly after he punched me. I can't even begin to describe the pain that caused me....I know i should have seen it all coming. His anger has been out of control for some time now. But this was the first time he ever hit anyone of us. I miss him a lot but I have the little one to think of. We didn't even spend our birthday together. I know that doesn't sound horrible but we have spent every birthday together for the past 13 years. Maybe it was the change that hurt...I don't know.

the new house is nice and the job is great. I'm an English tutor for the college and it's great. Six hours a week, three hours on Monday and Tuesday. That's it. The pay is good, enough to get by. Just got to get my degree and things will get better.

I've come to realize that in high school I was a world class bitch yet now I'm too nice for my own good. I can't say no despite the need to. It's like I did a 180. Weird lol

I think I'm going to get back into therapy.

Quick Note:
If any of my real life friends want details about anything I every put in this journal then just send me a note or text me :)
  • Listening to: some movie
  • Reading: The Constant Princess
  • Watching: Harold and Kumas
  • Playing: Alice
  • Eating: Salad
  • Drinking: Pepsi

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AmbivalentHeart
Misty
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
What can I say?
I'm 22 years young with a 2 year old daughter.
I'm a single mother.
I'm a full time student.
I write for my sanity.
I sometimes draw.
I take pictures.

I hate: liars, fakes, cheats, most people, stress, homework.

I love: my daughter, brother,mother,the few friends I have, the written word, mythology, true crime novels, and philosphy

Current Residence: Home
Favourite genre of music: All Rock
Favourite photographer: dont have one
Favourite style of art: Any and All
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: the one I have
Wallpaper of choice: My daughter
Skin of choice: the one I have
Favourite cartoon character: Mad Hatter
Personal Quote: "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up."
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Comments


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:iconouroborosragnarok:
OuroborosRagnarok Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your kind words on my poem meant a lot to me. :)
Reply
:iconambivalentheart:
AmbivalentHeart Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student General Artist
I try to be honest in my comments so I meant every word :)
Reply
:iconouroborosragnarok:
OuroborosRagnarok Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :D
Reply
:iconcocokake:
cocokake Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday~
Reply
:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Congratulations! On behalf of #ProjectComment, one of your pieces is featured here: [link]
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:icondipliner:
Dipliner Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the :+fav: :huggle:
Reply
:iconmamabakasi:
MamaBakasi Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011
Thanks for the watch :hug:
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:iconcarmengonzalez:
carmengonzalez Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011
thx for the fav!! :butterfly:
Reply
:iconambivalentheart:
AmbivalentHeart Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011  Student General Artist
No problem :)
Reply
:iconsalamanderart:
SalamanderArt Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
:D:D Thanks for the Watch! :D:D
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